Another summer has passed, making me wonder where the time has gone. Did I do enough with my daughter? Did we make lots of memories? Why did I not do this or that? And the answer to all these questions is, It was enough. Because it has to be. Regret is one of the worse things for me, and I tend to let it go as fast as I can. Because if I cannot change it I have to let it go. Otherwise these things will just harm me.
This summer flew by not making me think about its importance. The importance of being my daughters last summer of high school. The importance of being the last summer before college. And an almost empty nest. When I started this journey of mother hood, I never once gave a thought to my children growing up. Not once. I traveled through my daily tasks in ignorance of the sorrow I would feel once they were no longer under my roof. The daily tasks of making meals for them, clothing them, chores, blinding me, instead of savoring these moments. I was at a party the other day with a Mom going through the same feelings. She said imagine if you knew the last time you would carry your child? The last time they slept with you in fear of the night? Or the last time that they lived with you. Of course the last one is much more obvious, but the other moments pass without you knowing. And how thankful I am for that. I wish that this empty nest would also pass without me knowing…..
So this summer was bittersweet, as my Daughter is shared my studio with me. She is taking an AP art class in school, and ever the procrastinator, she had a few pieces left to do. (Thankfully not many) So instead of doing some tradition, or making a new one, we passed this milestone doing something we love together. Art.
I am passing what I can, to her, in hopes she learns, enjoys, and maybe helps her decide what she wants to do for her future. She is already feeling the pull of the easel, and the need to create. And I am working on holding onto these last moments, because if I think the first day of senior year is tough, I am going to be a true mess dropping her off to college next year. So to anyone struggling like me, I tell you that you are not alone. And that although these moments are torture, thankfully we still have them. It is like the Dr Seuss quote, Don’t cry because its over, be thankful it happened. And that is precisely what gets me through most of my life’s trials. Gratitude. How lucky am I to have my two wonderful children, so different but still so important to me. And although they may not both be living with me, they will be loved and cherished until I leave them. It is never too late to savor a moment, if you have not been. It is such an easy thing to start. And the sooner you start, the easier it will be when the time comes to let go……..because you have those moments to be grateful for.
Photo is of my daughter at my easel. 🙂